Exhausted. Hurting. Happy.
These past few days, weeks, months? have all blurred into a few short moments. Between sleep and pain, work and travel, I can't keep track of time that passes.
How am I doing? Fine, good. I'm making friends, but next week I'm leaving them. I've had such loud thoughts, that disappear as soon as I start to write. Coffee slows me down. I've never had such silence. All that time alone, just me and my thoughts and instagram poems. So many words, how can I be significant in the ocean of writers? Every time I read something or its comments, my inspiration goes up. This is what I want to do, what I want to be. I can't wait til it's my book being released. How I'd love to inspire people, motivate them, make them feel the way others make me feel. I've been writing a lot lately, but no one has seen it. My notebook is stashed, I've been sleeping with it under my pillow. It's easier for me to access it there.
Work is good for me. It's exhausting and damn, it hurts. But it makes me happy. Schedule, physical activity. Food isn't much but the company usually makes up for it. I'm leaving soon. Saying goodbye to the friends I've made, only to be with strangers I've met before. It takes me time but I always do it in the end, I open up, show them me, become myself with the people around me. I have faith in myself, I try to, at least.
Drink water, stay hydrated, do some exercise. Don't eat that, you're not supposed to. Trust yourself. Feel good. Things I tell myself every day.
Even outside I've become more confident. Opening myself to more people, different people, opinions and thoughts and ways of life. Broadening my horizons, if you will. Life is good. It's hard and frustrating and sometimes I just want to scream at the world. But don't we all?
Depression isn't a one-time thing. It's a lifelong disease that I will struggle with every day for the rest of my life. As is my fibromyalgia, between food, exercise and any random flare ups. But I can do it. Damn it, I've been to hell and back and if there's anything I can do, it's take life one day at a time. It might not always work, but for now it ain't too bad and it's getting me through relatively healthy. Day in, day out, I just keep reminding myself that life is okay. There's good days and bad, I'll be happy and sad, but at the end of it all, I just have to remember to be me. Me.
I'm still trying to figure out exactly who that is, what that person is and wants and where she's going in life. But for now, I think I'm doing a pretty good job.
These past few days, weeks, months? have all blurred into a few short moments. Between sleep and pain, work and travel, I can't keep track of time that passes.
How am I doing? Fine, good. I'm making friends, but next week I'm leaving them. I've had such loud thoughts, that disappear as soon as I start to write. Coffee slows me down. I've never had such silence. All that time alone, just me and my thoughts and instagram poems. So many words, how can I be significant in the ocean of writers? Every time I read something or its comments, my inspiration goes up. This is what I want to do, what I want to be. I can't wait til it's my book being released. How I'd love to inspire people, motivate them, make them feel the way others make me feel. I've been writing a lot lately, but no one has seen it. My notebook is stashed, I've been sleeping with it under my pillow. It's easier for me to access it there.
Work is good for me. It's exhausting and damn, it hurts. But it makes me happy. Schedule, physical activity. Food isn't much but the company usually makes up for it. I'm leaving soon. Saying goodbye to the friends I've made, only to be with strangers I've met before. It takes me time but I always do it in the end, I open up, show them me, become myself with the people around me. I have faith in myself, I try to, at least.
Drink water, stay hydrated, do some exercise. Don't eat that, you're not supposed to. Trust yourself. Feel good. Things I tell myself every day.
Even outside I've become more confident. Opening myself to more people, different people, opinions and thoughts and ways of life. Broadening my horizons, if you will. Life is good. It's hard and frustrating and sometimes I just want to scream at the world. But don't we all?
Depression isn't a one-time thing. It's a lifelong disease that I will struggle with every day for the rest of my life. As is my fibromyalgia, between food, exercise and any random flare ups. But I can do it. Damn it, I've been to hell and back and if there's anything I can do, it's take life one day at a time. It might not always work, but for now it ain't too bad and it's getting me through relatively healthy. Day in, day out, I just keep reminding myself that life is okay. There's good days and bad, I'll be happy and sad, but at the end of it all, I just have to remember to be me. Me.
I'm still trying to figure out exactly who that is, what that person is and wants and where she's going in life. But for now, I think I'm doing a pretty good job.