Escape the Maze

I've stopped myself from loving. I've prevented seeds from growing, afraid I wouldn't be able to care for them. They might be planted in enriched soil, but they would never get the sun or rain they would need. I've ripped out bits of green poking out of the ground, because they were growing too strong for my liking. I stare at blossoming fields in jealousy, because my flowers aren't that pretty. Yet, I don't let them grow. I tear them at the roots, pull them from the dirt, because I am afraid. What if my flowers aren't beautiful? Maybe they will require more nurturing than I can provide. I prefer having no flowers at all, a simple patch of healthy soil, than flowers that might not even fully bloom. I found this note on my phone, last edited in August of 2015. It hurts me to say this, but even today I still feel this way. I have been struggling with this very phenomenon a lot lately. Love is a funny thing. Every day, every person I talk to, I have to fight...

This past week hasn't been easy for me, and I've been writing lots of angry rants. They're piling up on my phone and in my mind and I need to get them out, need to get rid of them, even if no one sees it, even if it will hurt some people, I just have to let it go and I can't do that if they're just sitting in my own dark corner, I need to set them free so I can let go of them. The problem with chocolate is, as soon as I take the first bite, I'm craving it for like a week. I don't actually care enough to do something about it. It's days like this, when I just don't care enough, that throw me off track the most. I want to eat something and I know I shouldn't, so either way I lose. Either I eat some crap I shouldn't or I force myself to not eat and end up hungry. I don't know which is the worse of the two. Usually I eat shit just because not eating is a terrifying habit that's much more addicting. Either way I end up tired and in pain....