Escape the Maze

I just noticed the strangest thing. I consider myself a relatively open person, sharing my stories and experiences with no second thought. I will always be honest about how I'm feeling, and I will allow you to see me with no shield stopping you. But I also realize that I fight every step of it. I will tell you my trauma, and then hold against you the way you react. I will tell you truthfully what my emotions are, but I won't always tell you why. I will tell you I have difficulty trusting you, but I won't show you the extent of it. If you enter my life, I guarantee you will hurt me. Not because you mean to, or because I am overly sensitive. In fact, people say many things to me that others would find offensive, and I do not. No, you will hurt me because I want you to. I search for a way, a reason, to prove to myself that you are not trustworthy. I will put you in uncomfortable positions because I want to show myself that you will always end up hurting me. I do this uncon...

Busy few weeks, boys galore. There was a time in my life, not so long ago, that I truly believed that there are no good men in this world. Although I've met plenty of boys, guys, and men, more often than not they have turned out to be completely different from what I thought, hoped and expected. Many of them have disappointed me, even those I didn't expect much from. In short, I have been let down by boys many times. Recently, I realized that not all men are the same. Not in a cliche way either. It's not that before I thought all men were the same, I was just so deeply touched and traumatized that it was hard for me to even hope that there was a decent guy somewhere out there. It took multiple years, but I have started to open my mind and accept guys. In general, throughout my life, I have tried not to judge people, to accept everyone and make everyone feel validated. But as one of my friends pointed out to me, I often only extend that kindness to girls and women. While I...

Exhausted. Hurting. Happy. These past few days, weeks, months? have all blurred into a few short moments. Between sleep and pain, work and travel, I can't keep track of time that passes. How am I doing? Fine, good. I'm making friends, but next week I'm leaving them. I've had such loud thoughts, that disappear as soon as I start to write. Coffee slows me down. I've never had such silence. All that time alone, just me and my thoughts and instagram poems. So many words, how can I be significant in the ocean of writers? Every time I read something or its comments, my inspiration goes up. This is what I want to do, what I want to be. I can't wait til it's my book being released. How I'd love to inspire people, motivate them, make them feel the way others make me feel. I've been writing a lot lately, but no one has seen it. My notebook is stashed, I've been sleeping with it under my pillow. It's easier for me to access it there. Work is good for...