I have met many wonderful people via the internet, and some not so wonderful people. Two of my best friends, L and M, (who live in NY and Belgium, respectively) I met online. They are strong, inspiring humans, and I feel lucky to call them my friends.
A few years ago, I met a friend online, S. We were really good friends for a while, until our lives, studies, religions and opinions eventually drove us apart. Unfortunately, it ended unfavorably. That was the first "bad" internet relationship I've had.
I suppose that's not entirely true. About three years ago, I was in need of friends, and decided finding a penpal or two would be good. I was friends with this guy N, who lived in Hawaii, a 13-hour time difference from me. We emailed a couple times, and then one day, we were both online simultaneously. So we started chatting, and the emails slowly dwindled. I would find myself chatting to him at insane hours of the morning, because it was only afternoon by him. We would talk all day, every day, and even exchanged photos once or twice.
One day, after a long conversation the previous night (during which I had revealed a few things about myself), he wasn't online. I was confused. Where had he suddenly gone? I didn't fret much. It was only about two weeks later, when he wasn't responding to my emails or my chats, that I started worrying. Had something happened to him? Was he okay? Over the next couple of days my panic started to rise, until one day I found him online and grabbed the chance to chat. He told me he was in the hospital with a bad case of pneumonia. I worried endlessly, especially because he insinuated that he might die from it. I was anxious, as the next two weeks passed and I hadn't spoken to him again. Yet again, I saw him online one night and messaged him. He replied that he had been out of the hospital for a while, and had just come back from a world tour. This is when I started suspecting something was up, even though I probably should have noticed sooner. We only talked once or twice after that, and he would often ignore me. I fought for him, longer than I should have, and then one day, I just decided it was time to let go. I sunk a little further into depression, as my only friend was no longer a companion.
Since N, and since S, there have been a few cases that ended poorly, but none that I got so connected to.
A couple weeks ago, this girl J started talking to me. She was 18, from South Africa, she said. She told me her story, which included abandonment, abuse, and loneliness. She expected a lot from me, more than I could give her.
Her depression was bringing me down, and I had to disconnect. It was not the first time I had told someone that I could not talk to them anymore, and it was not as tough either. Still, she held on to me. I cut her off completely, ignoring her on all social media. About a week and a half after that, she texted me. She had invited this guy over to her house, and was now panicking. She lived (temporarily) in a beach house, and there was no one around her. I told her to lock him out. She said she would, and a few minutes later, I got a text that read, "HELP". Immediately after, I started receiving texts, supposedly from this guy, K, who had taken J's phone.
I won't elaborate, but he told me some pretty awful things about what he was going to do to her. I started panicking, unsure of what to do. I looked up rape crisis centers, asked people in SA to call the police and report him, I tried everything I could to help her escape. My friends were skeptical, thinking maybe this was an attention stunt to get me to talk to her again. I considered the option briefly, but decided I would rather be safe than sorry, and if something had happened, I would like to say I at least tried to help. After speaking for a while to K, he then passed the phone over to J. I told her to call the police, and she refused, saying he was standing right next to her. So I told her I would call them, if she gave me an address. She immediately said that no, she would get K to leave. And that's when I knew she had been lying about it. Suddenly, I was ashamed I had believed her story. What were the chances that K and J would type so similarly? Why would K even text me, if he was there to hurt J? How likely was it that as soon as I threatened to call the police, she was able to usher him out? I was overwhelmed with anger, but spent it ranting to my friends, instead of taking it out on her. I had never seen her picture, and I demanded to see her now. She hemmed and hawed, but eventually gave in. She sent me a picture, (which I searched on the internet to make sure she wasn't stealing that as well) and I swear, she looked not a day over 12. I told her such, and she promised she was 18. I didn't believe her, and I shut her down completely, going to sleep.
The next morning, I felt so much better, the worst of my emotion wearing off during sleep. I blocked her on my social media, and my best friend M immediately went off, scolding the girl, protecting me. Later that day, I got a message, from someone whose name was A (she picked a name that rhymed with the first name she had given me.) I wasn't stupid. Not only was she using the same form of media she had first contacted me with, she had used the exact same username. I guess she had deactivated and reactivated. I blocked that user instantly. Throughout the day, I received messages from four more people who wanted to talk to me.
J was not the first person who contacted me through that media, and she won't be the last either. However, at least for the next few months, it hurts me to know that I will be suspicious of anyone and everyone, in fear of them being J. At least two of the users who messaged me were, in fact, J, and I blocked them.
Where do I go from here? I had finally gotten over my fear of deception through internet, of betrayal, from my past experiences. But now? I feel like this 12 year old dragged me backwards, and I need to start building my trust again. Nevertheless, I have been through this before, and I can get through it again. I will be wary, and cautious, and very suspicious, but I've learned to trust myself, and perhaps I will encounter this situation again, but every time, I will take it with a grain of salt. This is a lesson, as everything is, that will help me in the future.
A few years ago, I met a friend online, S. We were really good friends for a while, until our lives, studies, religions and opinions eventually drove us apart. Unfortunately, it ended unfavorably. That was the first "bad" internet relationship I've had.
I suppose that's not entirely true. About three years ago, I was in need of friends, and decided finding a penpal or two would be good. I was friends with this guy N, who lived in Hawaii, a 13-hour time difference from me. We emailed a couple times, and then one day, we were both online simultaneously. So we started chatting, and the emails slowly dwindled. I would find myself chatting to him at insane hours of the morning, because it was only afternoon by him. We would talk all day, every day, and even exchanged photos once or twice.
One day, after a long conversation the previous night (during which I had revealed a few things about myself), he wasn't online. I was confused. Where had he suddenly gone? I didn't fret much. It was only about two weeks later, when he wasn't responding to my emails or my chats, that I started worrying. Had something happened to him? Was he okay? Over the next couple of days my panic started to rise, until one day I found him online and grabbed the chance to chat. He told me he was in the hospital with a bad case of pneumonia. I worried endlessly, especially because he insinuated that he might die from it. I was anxious, as the next two weeks passed and I hadn't spoken to him again. Yet again, I saw him online one night and messaged him. He replied that he had been out of the hospital for a while, and had just come back from a world tour. This is when I started suspecting something was up, even though I probably should have noticed sooner. We only talked once or twice after that, and he would often ignore me. I fought for him, longer than I should have, and then one day, I just decided it was time to let go. I sunk a little further into depression, as my only friend was no longer a companion.
Since N, and since S, there have been a few cases that ended poorly, but none that I got so connected to.
A couple weeks ago, this girl J started talking to me. She was 18, from South Africa, she said. She told me her story, which included abandonment, abuse, and loneliness. She expected a lot from me, more than I could give her.
Her depression was bringing me down, and I had to disconnect. It was not the first time I had told someone that I could not talk to them anymore, and it was not as tough either. Still, she held on to me. I cut her off completely, ignoring her on all social media. About a week and a half after that, she texted me. She had invited this guy over to her house, and was now panicking. She lived (temporarily) in a beach house, and there was no one around her. I told her to lock him out. She said she would, and a few minutes later, I got a text that read, "HELP". Immediately after, I started receiving texts, supposedly from this guy, K, who had taken J's phone.
I won't elaborate, but he told me some pretty awful things about what he was going to do to her. I started panicking, unsure of what to do. I looked up rape crisis centers, asked people in SA to call the police and report him, I tried everything I could to help her escape. My friends were skeptical, thinking maybe this was an attention stunt to get me to talk to her again. I considered the option briefly, but decided I would rather be safe than sorry, and if something had happened, I would like to say I at least tried to help. After speaking for a while to K, he then passed the phone over to J. I told her to call the police, and she refused, saying he was standing right next to her. So I told her I would call them, if she gave me an address. She immediately said that no, she would get K to leave. And that's when I knew she had been lying about it. Suddenly, I was ashamed I had believed her story. What were the chances that K and J would type so similarly? Why would K even text me, if he was there to hurt J? How likely was it that as soon as I threatened to call the police, she was able to usher him out? I was overwhelmed with anger, but spent it ranting to my friends, instead of taking it out on her. I had never seen her picture, and I demanded to see her now. She hemmed and hawed, but eventually gave in. She sent me a picture, (which I searched on the internet to make sure she wasn't stealing that as well) and I swear, she looked not a day over 12. I told her such, and she promised she was 18. I didn't believe her, and I shut her down completely, going to sleep.
The next morning, I felt so much better, the worst of my emotion wearing off during sleep. I blocked her on my social media, and my best friend M immediately went off, scolding the girl, protecting me. Later that day, I got a message, from someone whose name was A (she picked a name that rhymed with the first name she had given me.) I wasn't stupid. Not only was she using the same form of media she had first contacted me with, she had used the exact same username. I guess she had deactivated and reactivated. I blocked that user instantly. Throughout the day, I received messages from four more people who wanted to talk to me.
J was not the first person who contacted me through that media, and she won't be the last either. However, at least for the next few months, it hurts me to know that I will be suspicious of anyone and everyone, in fear of them being J. At least two of the users who messaged me were, in fact, J, and I blocked them.
Where do I go from here? I had finally gotten over my fear of deception through internet, of betrayal, from my past experiences. But now? I feel like this 12 year old dragged me backwards, and I need to start building my trust again. Nevertheless, I have been through this before, and I can get through it again. I will be wary, and cautious, and very suspicious, but I've learned to trust myself, and perhaps I will encounter this situation again, but every time, I will take it with a grain of salt. This is a lesson, as everything is, that will help me in the future.