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 Miscarriage. Abortion. Non-viable fetus.

Such complicated names, when they all mean the same thing. Loss. Disappointment. Fear. 

We knew for weeks, before the procedure actually took place. And I suppose that made it slightly more bearable. More...manageable? It wasn't easy. Was it hard? I've gone through harder things. Other people seemed to struggle more than I did. Am I broken? I think I'm okay. As much as I try to convince others, I really think I am okay. I'll survive, I'll get through this, I have no doubt about it. If I made it through all my past shit, I can make it through this, easy.

I'm grateful for my support system. Which was stronger and wider than I previously thought. Grateful that I didn't have to go through it alone, that L was there with me the whole time. 

We'll get through this. I know we will. And when we finally have our own family, we'll remember this fetus, Eddie, and be okay.

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