"I'm a writer."
This is something I say often, but it's not always easily understood. I said that to someone once, and she replied with, "Well, what does that mean?"
How can I explain what it is to be a writer?
For me, being a writer is not being able to talk. It's preferring email or letters or text over a phone call, because I feel so much more comfortable with a pen in my hand or a keyboard on my lap than I do when I have to find words to speak.
What defines me as a writer?
For a while I struggled with this question. What makes me a writer? So I sometimes get the urge to write my feelings. Isn't that normal? Doesn't everyone else feel like that too? The answer came to me, unsurprisingly, during a writing session. I realized, the difference between me and someone else, can mainly be boiled down to two things. The first is, I feel it. I feel my words, they flow through me, and when I start typing I cannot stop. I feel the words in my veins, running through my heart, my lungs, from my fingers to my toes. And the second is, my passion. I'm not constantly inspired to write, and I don't even write every day. But when I do write, I love it. I can't stop the smile on my face when I hear the relentless tapping of keys, or the scratching of pen on paper. I like the feel of the paper over my skin, and having to wash my hands afterwards because I wrote in such haste, in a rush to get all my words out, that I smudged the ink. When I'm bored, when I'm emotional, when I don't know what to do for any reason, writing is what I do.
I save everything I write. I mean everything. I have friends who write something, dislike it and throw it out, but I can't do that. I have notebooks, papers, folders, with everything from poems to stories to rants, stuff I've written when I was as young as eight or nine. When I find something I wrote ages ago, be that ages months or years, I immediately upload it. Usually, after cringing with horror at my terrible skills or unoriginal imagination, I smile. Because everything I've ever written, has gotten me to where I am today. I found stories with hidden emotions, poems that have quite literally saved my life.
I read back on things occasionally, to see what's changed. I am always simultaneously confused and surprised. Things I wrote three, four, five years ago, still apply to me today, despite everything that's changed. It's incredible to me. How can my entire life be flipped upside down multiple times, yet the same emotions, the same feelings, are still stuck in my core?
That's what I love about writing. It never fades. Even if I'm not in the same situation, or if my feelings are different. I can sense the emotion I felt as I wrote the words, I can feel my memories bubbling up to the surface. Writing is universal. No matter what anyone writes, there will always be someone else in the world who can relate, who can compare. That is what I love. Writing connects us all, because we are just humans. It is one of the reasons music is universal as well, because songwriting is writing just like any other. That ink to the paper, that's a universal feeling and I hope that won't fade any time soon.
I am a writer. I was born a writer, and I am a proud writer. Writing has wakened me to good and bad situations I'm in, and it has helped me appreciate every moment.
Everyone has their therapy. I hope yours is as soothing to you as writing is to me.