I sometimes forget I have PTSD. I've lived with it for so long now that's it's just a part of me. But the thing about trauma is it never lets you forget for long. I find myself frustrated. With myself, with my trauma, with the people around me. How can I still be dealing with this shit, years later? When I've been happy and safe for such a long time already? It feels unfair. I've done tons of work, improved so much, and still I'm haunted by events that happened years ago. I know, logically, that PTSD is a permanent diagnosis, that it won't go away, probably ever. Emotionally, I have trouble accepting that fact. My anxiety and depression come and go, but I can deal with them. I know there are days and weeks where I don't even have to think about them. But not trauma. No, Trauma is a monster sitting on my head, jumping on my shoulders, crawling on back. Trauma is here to stay, has made a permanent living space in my brain. Literally! Trauma changes brain...