Happy.
I'd almost forgotten what it's like. It felt so good out there, laughing and smiling, having fun while singing and dancing. It feels fucking amazing. I haven't felt that good in a really long time. I notice it every day, how my smile becomes more natural, my laugh comes to me more easily. And it's refreshing. Relieving. It's been a long time since happiness was this simple for me, and it's about damn time.
I don't know what's changed. Or rather, I don't know what caused the change. So many things have been happening in my life lately, and maybe that's the reason. I'm learning new things, doing fascinating tasks and meeting different people. Everything is changing, but instead of being scary, it's wonderful. I'm not afraid of the change anymore, instead I welcome it, I look forward to it. Every day is a new day for me, a new day to change my life, to grow more comfortable with myself and around other people. I feel good just singing and dancing, be it alone in my room or in a crowd full of people. Everything is changing, and I'm adapting. I accept it, I love it.
Each day is a new adventure, and I feel them all, I'm excited about each and every one of them. Sure, some days are harder than others, but overall I can feel this wonderful adjustment slowly becoming the norm. I cannot describe the feeling of happiness, perhaps because it is not yet a familiar emotion. But if I was a balloon, I'd be filled with helium. I can feel my consciousness reaching towards the sky, face towards the warm sun as I feel the fresh air on my face. That's what this is. Fresh air. Like I can finally breathe, after being in a stuffy room for a long time. I've had gasps of air before, in between songs and long hours, where I can breathe just long enough to last until the next time I'm dragged through the crowd. At times the crowd has grown too much, and without enough air I've passed out, been trampled. But now, now I finally made it out of the cellar. I've reached the ground floor, with the big beautiful glass windows, staring out at the green grass, the colorful flowers, the soothing ocean. Each day I climb a few more steps, yearning to reach the roof, and I know I'll get there soon. The roof, where I can relax in peace with my calm surrounding me. For now, I still have the effort of making it up those stairs, but each day it gets a little easier. One day, one day soon, I'll be free to explore whatever part of the property I want.