If you've known me for more than two months, you probably met me as Riki. Today, when I introduce myself, I prefer Rebecca.
For about three years now I've been looking for a name. At the beginning, it was as my online name. I was always taught growing up that you never give out real information online, so I searched until I found a name that I thought could suit me. That name lasted about a year or so, before being switched out. I've gone through maybe four names since then, and different variations on them. There was only one that I particularly connected to, and it was actually one that I never ended up using.
If you ask any of my close friends, they will tell you nicknames they have for me. I have a dozen friends who each call me different names, and I respond to all of them by second nature. My parents also call me lots of different names, and have for years.
When I was born, Riki was the name they chose for me to be known as. Growing up, that's who I was. Until a few years ago, I had never even considered changing my name. But as I became more social online, I realized I felt less connected to my name in 'real life'. (Disclaimer: I hate the term 'in real life' for things that happen in the unvirtual world, but will use it now for simple understanding.)
It was only really in the last six months that I really thought about changing my name. Not so much accepting an entirely new name, but rather ridding my old nickname and finding a new one. For a long time, even that was difficult for me. What name do I want to go by? It actually wasn't something I ever fully decided, more of a spur of the moment thing. On my first day in the army, someone read out my name as Rebecca, and at that moment I chose that name. One of the reasons I hadn't chose that name to begin with was because I thought most Israelis would pronounce it wrong while reading it. However, when that first person read it out loud, I realized suddenly that it was a viable option.
Rebecca is the name I had most recently been going as online, as it was simple, universal, and luckily enough, my actual name. For over a year now I have been called Rebecca, Becks and Becca on various social medias, and I have become more and more connected to the name.
The biggest question people have been asking me is, why? Why would I change my name now, after 19 years of a different nickname? The answer, to me, is simple.
In the years of my life during which I was known as Riki, I went through a lot of things, good and bad. I met friends, lost friends, went through traumas and healed from them. I feel lucky to be able to say this: The first 19 years of my life, I was figuring out who I was. Now, I finally know who I am. I may not know exactly how I'm going to achieve my goals, or what my life will look like for the next few years or even months. But I've developed such personality traits and characteristics that I feel will stay with me forever. I've made lifelong friends, I've learned things about myself and others. I've become more aware of myself, learned to trust my instincts, trust my friends, trust in humankind.
Riki is not a name I relate to anymore. It is a part of me, like every name I have ever used, but I would like to leave it in the past. Today, I am Rebecca. I don't mind nicknames, Becca and the like, new nicknames, old nicknames. But at least for now, Riki is someone I'd like to say goodbye to.