Until a month or two ago, I had almost forgotten what fibromyalgia is like.
I was diagnosed with this chronic disease almost three years ago. When asked to explain what it is, the easiest way is this: Fibromyalgia is hurting, everywhere, all the time.
In truth, it's more than that. It's fatigue, in every limb and muscle. It's not being able to get out of bed, from pain, exhaustion, depression. It's paralyzing at times. It's so much more than can be explained in words. Fibromyalgia is the reason why, when I poke my brothers, it hurts my finger more than it hurts them. Fibromyalgia is stubbing my toe, and feeling the excruciating pain for five full minutes. I don't eat sugar, don't eat wheat, all to lessen the symptoms of my fibro.
For years, I suffered terribly from it. I ached, I hurt, I was constantly overcome with uncontrollable fatigue. When I escaped my poison, threw myself into my therapy and learned to have my own friends, the pain started to fade. I changed what I ate. It's been almost a year since I felt fibro-y. But this is what winter does. The cold seeps into my bones. The wind chills me to the core. I get so tired it hurts to move, and my head is constantly pounding, throbbing.
I love the rain, the smell, the feel, I love the cloudy skies and slight chill in the air. But this disease, it's changed the way I feel about it. Not because I like those things any less, but because now winter is so much more than that. Winter is wearing four layers and two blankets and still shivering. Winter is dizziness when I stand, or sit up, or move too quickly. Winter is crying, because it's hurts to move.
This is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. My next task is learning how to cope.